Angel, you dork!
by Stargoddess Vicky
Summary: Parody of Jenny Calanders death
1. Default Chapter

Angel You Dork   
Author- Vicky   
E-mail- Stargoddess109@Aol.com   
Disclaimer- I don't own them. I LIKE them… but I don't own them. Satan owns   
them. And drags them through hot coals all week long… even on RERUNS!   
Timeline- After Jenny was killed by Angel. I've decided that she didn't like   
it and she wants to come back ok? I think you'll all appreciate that.   
Spoilers- none that I can think of….   
Synopsis- Jenny is NOT dead yet. What if the characters of a fic came alive   
and demanded changes in the script? What would the author do?   
Author's notes- you should all know that when I do this: […] that's ME   
talking. The author… thanks.. I drank lots of Mountain Dew before hand… and   
it's 12:35 at night… so deal with it. I think It's funny!   
Rating- PG-13 (some language)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
She sat at the table in her classroom typing furiously on the computer in   
front of her. She looked up from the blue screen every once and a while to   
scowl at the screen.   
  
Suddenly, she looked up towards the ceiling with a confused look on her face.   
  
Jenny- Hey… aren't I dead or something?   
  
[Huh?]   
  
Jenny- Um…. Wasn't I killed like 3 season's ago?   
  
[No, I decided to bring you back. You're not dead… ok?]   
  
She pauses for a moment to look around then looks back up.   
  
Jenny- Duuude… I was there. I felt and heard the snap myself. I'm dead… Did   
you forget to watch the tape of that episode? Didn't you buy the video box?   
The episode was really good, besides me DYING and all…   
  
[ No, I didn't buy the set. I'm cheap. So sue me. Jenny… come on now… play   
nice]   
  
Jenny- WHAT?!?!? Giles got to beat Angel up with a flaming baseball bat but I   
can't even be dead in peace? What kind of fic is this anyway?   
  
[Look… your not gonna be dead ok? Be happy… Just get back to typing so Angel   
can come in]   
  
Jenny- Oh…. I see…. You want HIM in this fic… sure go ahead   
  
She holds up her hands in a defensive manner   
  
Jenny- no need to get all prissy with me. It was just kinda boring for two or   
three years to be dead. But if you want me to keep "typing" I'll go right   
ahead….   
  
[Sorry…. I'm just angsting about the whole killing you thing and I would   
really like to get on with the story…]   
  
Jenny- Oh… I see… This is another one of those   
'Angel-gets-his-ass-kicked-two-different-ways-for-being-such-a-major-ass' fics?   
  
[ kinda… got a problem?]   
  
Jenny- nope. I like them kinds of fics. Can I hit him with something? I mean…   
Willow went after Xander with an ax. Do I get an ax?   
  
[No]   
  
Jenny- well.. ok then… just TOSS jenny around why don't we…. Never give her   
anything COOL!   
  
A dark shadow appears in the back on the room…   
  
Angel- HELLLOOO??! I'm waiting back here for my cue.. can we get on with it.   
My face hurts from looking like this for so long.   
  
He looks at Jenny   
  
Angel- Hey…. hun.. I killed you already… quite stalling fate   
  
Jenny- Well EXCUUUSSSEEE me!   
  
She stands with her hands on her hips   
  
Jenny- **I** am the victim in this room. So you can just go outside somewhere   
and lurk in the shadows… So get out of here! You're messing up her fic! Wait   
your turn! Oh… Another thing 'hun'… Why are you in vamp mode already? That   
doesn't come till later. Didn't you read your script?   
  
Angel- Oh yeah   
  
He reverts to his normal face   
  
Angel- Can we just get on with this?   
  
He leaves   
  
Jenny- jeez… men   
  
She rolls her eyes skyward   
  
Jenny- OK, I'm cool. Let's take it from the top…   
  
[**sigh**]   
  
  
  
  
She sat at the table in her classroom typing furiously on the computer in   
front of her. She looked up from the blue screen every once and a while to   
scowl at the screen.   
  
She glances upward   
  
Jenny- Can I turn on a light? I mean… here I am in the dark and I'm staring   
at a really dark computer screen. It hurts… and it SHOULDN'T hurt because of   
me being dead and all   
  
[Will you SHUT UP about the dead thing? You are SO not dead, ok? Now get on   
with this… And if you want the lights on, get up and turn them on yourself.]   
  
She sighs rudely   
  
Jenny- I really SHOULD have some lights on. I feel as if I'm in a really bad   
X-Files episode   
  
[Hey… ok... I didn't write not having the lights on. Joss did.]   
  
She rolls her eyes and gives her best Cordy impression   
  
Jenny- what-EVER   
  
Standing… she walks over and flips on the light switch   
  
Angel- Ahh… Jenny darling…   
  
Angel gives her an evil grin   
  
Angel- Fancy meeting you here…   
  
Her head jerks around and she gasps in horror at the figure seated in the   
back of the room. She breathes shallow and has terror etched in her eyes.   
  
Pause   
  
Her eyes widen   
  
Jenny- ANGEL YOU DORK!!!   
  
She drops her hands to her side   
  
Jenny- Cut it out! This isn't a joke. We're trying to re-enact this! You're   
screwing things up again!   
  
Angel- ok… Chill out Jen. You're dead, I'm dead, Can't we all just get along?   
  
Jenny- How come you didn't pull this stuff with Joss?   
  
He stands straight   
  
Angel- Joss is God   
  
Jenny- Don't I know it…   
  
Angel- Sorry, We can do it again. I'll be nice, I swear.   
  
Jenny- Geez. Fine. Just go outside and wait for your cue. And this time try   
and get in here BEFORE I turn the lights on.   
  
She sighs looking upwards   
  
Jenny- Alright. Here we go again.   
  
[**double sigh**]   
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

  
  
  
She sat at the table in her classroom typing furiously on the computer in   
front of her. She looked up from the blue screen every once and a while to   
scowl at the screen.   
  
She looks up from the computer puzzled.   
  
Jenny- Lights… I need lights…   
  
She walks over to the wall and flips the light switch   
  
Angel- Ahh…. Jenny Darling… Fancy meeting you here   
Nice shirt… It makes you look just like that chick from the Prince video…   
  
Her head jerks around and she gasps in horror at the figure seated in the   
back of the room. She breathes shallow and has terror etched in her eyes.   
  
Jenny- Angel?… How'd you get in here?   
De Ja Vu all over again. I swear we've done this before.   
  
She takes a moment to take in this tall, dark figure   
  
Hmm… he's pretty cute. I mean, Giles is my sexy fuddy duddy but Angel's still   
QUITE the hottie. Even if he IS a homicidal lunatic who wants to kill his ex   
lover and all of her friends. Especially with that terrific bod…. And those   
pants… those tight leather pants… oh wow…I wonder…   
  
[Sorry Jenny. Not that kinda fic.]   
  
Damn   
  
She opens her mouth to continue but slams her mouth shut deep in thought.   
  
Jenny- Whoa… I SO didn't just say that out loud. How'd you know what I was   
thinking?   
  
[**Shrugs innocently**]   
  
Jenny- That's SO not fair! **I** don't know what **YOU'RE** thinking! Is What   
I'm thinking going into this fic? That's so embarrassing! Someone should have   
warned me…   
  
Angel- Why? What was she thinking about?   
  
Angel perks up   
  
Jenny- You stay out of this   
  
She turns a bright shade of pink   
  
Angel- You were thinking naughty thoughts about me, weren't you?   
  
Jenny- NO!   
  
Angel- YES!!! Yes you were! I can tell by the look on your face!   
  
He busts out laughing   
  
Jenny- OH MY GOD! You are such a self-centered, conceited, imbecilic bastar-   
  
Angel- yeah… and you want me   
  
Jenny- I do NOT want you   
  
Angel- Just admit it   
  
Jenny- I-I… I do NOT! TELL HIM! TELL HIM THAT I DON'T WANT HIM! TELL HIM!   
  
[You're right. She wants you]   
  
Jenny- SEE!   
  
She pokes a finger into his chest   
  
Jenny- it's like I said… I- WHAT?!?!   
  
Angel- Giles is not going to be pleased with you…   
  
Jenny- that does it you jerk. Fic or no fic your ass is mine!   
  
Angel gives a seductive half-smile   
  
Angel- Sure baby, anything you want   
  
She pulls a stake from under her shirt   
  
His smile vanishes   
  
Angel- uh… that's not fair   
  
She advances on his with crazy in her eyes   
  
[Jenny, stop. You're getting ahead of yourself]   
  
Angel- Y-Yes, listen to her…   
  
Jenny- NO! I'm done listening to everyone, now I'm gonna have some fun!   
  
She lunges at him   
  
He jumps on her desk to evade her   
  
Chase ensues   
  
[OH good GRIEF!]   
  
Desks and papers fly in the air as Angel desperately tries to escape   
  
Angel- What are you doing? STOP HER!   
  
He lets out a high pitched shriek   
  
Jenny- I can't BELIEVE you killed me you asshole! And after I was trying to   
HELP your sorry ass. SCREW YOU! You're going down!   
  
[That's it. Forget both of you. I'm just gonna go back and re-write my   
Xander/Willow Fic. Maybe I'll give them lots of smoochies. It'll be a   
Smoochiefic. You two just aren't worth the aggravation!]   
  
They both skid to an abrupt halt.   
  
Jenny- No! Wait a minute.   
  
She conceals the stake   
  
Jenny- Sorry, I just got a bit carried away. I'll try this again.   
  
Angel- Yeah, I'd like to do this once more too.   
  
He's panting   
  
Angel- Because you're such a good writer and-   
  
All heads turn to the door as someone yells something from the door way   
  
Willow- SMOOCHIEFIC????   
  
Angel and Jenny groan in unison   
  
Willow- Ooooh I want smoochies!!!!   
  
Willow bounds in, her red hair streaming behind her   
  
She stops   
  
Willow- Jenny!   
  
She leaps into the woman's arms   
  
Willow- I've missed you!   
  
Xander trails in behind her   
  
Jenny- I've missed you too, Wills   
  
Angel- Hey, um, is this the 'touching-tear-jerker' segment of the fic?   
  
Jenny- Shut up Angel   
  
She rolls her eyes   
  
He sticks his tongue out at her   
  
Willow pulls away, a confused look still on her face   
  
Willow- since when do you and Angel want eachother?   
  
Jenny turns green   
  
Willow raises her eyebrows   
  
Willow- Yeah, anyway. I love ya Miss Calendar, and I miss you… BUT I need   
smoochies. Write the smoochiefic. I want one with Xander   
  
Xander looks mildly embarrassed   
  
[Uhh.. Willow…]   
  
Cordelia- I don't THINK so   
  
She enters with an angry look on her face   
  
Willow looks thoughtful for a moment   
  
Willow- How about Oz?   
  
Oz- Not if you're only trying to get Xander jealous   
  
Oz enters the room enters after Cordy   
  
Cordy looks up   
  
Cordy- Call me Cordelia   
  
[Ok. Sorry.]   
  
Willow- How about… Angel?   
  
Willow smiles seductively   
  
[Sorry Willow]   
  
Willow- well phooey   
  
Cordelia- ok… Xander you're my boyfriend   
  
Everyone looks at her   
  
Cordy- so no smoochiefic for you…   
  
Silence   
  
Cordy- What? I never said I didn't like smoochiefic in general, just not   
Willow/Xander smoochiefic. can you blame me? I mean, he is MY boyfriend…   
  
More Silence   
  
Cordy- Cut it out! Will everyone please stop looking at me?   
  
They continue   
  
Cordy- WHAT THE HECK!??   
  
Xander grins   
  
Xander- Sorry. I just enjoy making disturbing eye contact   
  
Cordy sighs   
  
Xander shrugs   
  
Giles Enters   
  
He glances around the room and is about to make a speech about being at   
school after hours when he spots Jenny   
  
Giles- JENNY! How nice to… um… See you…   
  
Jenny- RUPERT!   
  
Jenny runs into his arms   
  
He smiles and hugs her   
  
Giles- A-are we alive now?   
  
Jenny- Well… not really. I mean… Angel **DID** kills me and all. I'm just   
here for a visit   
  
Giles shoots Angel a deadly look   
  
Angel shrugs   
  
Giles- Well perhaps we can now find a way to properly resurrect you   
  
Jenny shakes her head   
  
Jenny- I don't think that's possible. I mean, unless there's some act of God…   
or Joss…. I think I'm pretty much staying dead   
  
Giles- Now, now Jenny, you should really be optimistic…   
  
He gives her a reassuring squeeze and reaches into his briefcase   
  
Giles- …even if we can't resurrect you, I can always…   
  
He pulls out a flaming baseball bat   
  
Giles- KILL THE BASTARD WHO DID THIS TO YOU!   
  
He takes off after the vampire   
  
Angel lets out another girly shriek and runs to the window   
  
Jenny- Oh dead, I was hoping for a good 'Jenny and Giles get frisky' scene.   
Guess not   
  
Xander- Ha… Giles said 'Bastard'   
  
Cordy looks at him   
  
Cordy- I fear you   
  
Willow kisses Oz and they fall to the ground as Angel runs past them and   
Giles follows him with a flaming stick as Xander laughs and Jenny pouts   
  
[Uhh…. Listen everyone… as much fun as this is it's getting late and…]   
  
Ethan- RIPPER!   
  
Giles stops chasing Angel and looks at Ethan   
  
Giles- Oh bloody hell Ethan. How did you get in here?   
  
Ethan- It's called a door   
  
Giles- Don't get smart with me, Ethan, I have a laming baseball bat you know   
  
Ethan- Oh, I didn't notice   
  
Giles pauses, looks at the stick and then back at Ethan.   
  
Giles- THAT DOES IT!   
  
He chases after Giles   
  
Ethan- Good Lord… I know where you went wrong Ripper. When you finished with   
those coffee commercials you just got SO mean!   
  
He turns on his heel and runs down the hall   
  
Angel smiles and leans against the wall   
  
Angel- Oh thank goodn-   
  
Willow jumps towards Angel after breaking away from Oz   
  
Angel lets out yet another girly scream   
  
Willow- Angel, darling Angel. I love you even WITHOUT your soul   
  
Angel- I love you too Willow. I'm sorry I killed your fish   
  
Willow- No biggie. They were gummy fish anyway.   
  
Angel- really?   
  
Willow- yeah, my parents won't let me have a real pet   
  
Angel- don't you have a dog?   
  
Willow- depends on whose fic you're reading   
  
Angel- oh…   
  
Xander slinks up to Jenny   
  
Xander- so Jenny… how are you?   
  
Jenny- umm… dead. Otherwise, things are cool. And call me Ms. Calendar   
  
Xander- did you ever get a little antsy when you were dead?   
  
Jenny- yeah   
  
Xander- well.. I can make that feel better…   
  
Jenny- XANDER! Absolutely not!   
  
Jenny pushes past him   
  
Xander chases after Jenny as Willow kisses Angel, and Oz whose heart is   
broken kisses Cordy   
  
Giles plays with the fire on his stick   
  
[THAT'S IT! Everyone but Angel and Jenny get out!]   
  
Xander- B-but why?   
  
Xander makes a puppy-dog face   
  
[Because this is distracting, irrelevant, and makes absolutely no sense]   
  
Xander- oh   
  
[This isn't what I originally intended. Look guys, I'll get to everyone at   
some point, you all just have to wait your turns.]   
  
Cordy- Hey… what IS all this stuff?   
  
Cordy is standing over Jenny's desk   
  
Jenny- what?   
  
Cordy- Well… there's 3 knives, 1 gun, a whip, a crossbow, two stakes, about 5   
crucifixes, a staff, three vials of holy water, silver bullets, an- Hey, wait   
**silver bullets**? Those aren't used for vampires, they're for-   
  
Oz runs screaming from the room   
  
[Sorry… my bad]   
  
Angel- you ARE one of those crazy fic writers, aren't you?   
  
[**shakes head**]   
  
Willow- not to be irritating or anything but can we get to the smoochies now?   
  
[Willow, I love you dearly but not now… PLEASE… everyone out]   
  
Willow- I NEVER get to have any smoochies   
  
She stamps her foot   
  
[Willow, cut it out. I have to sleep. It's 1:54 a.m. and I don't have th- ]   
  
Willow- Nope. I'm not leaving until I get smoochie.   
  
[Willow, please don't do this]   
  
Willow- Smoochies   
  
Snyder enters the room   
  
Snyder- What's going on here?   
  
They all turn to see Principal Snyder   
  
Xander- Uh-oh… Now we're in trouble   
  
Xander hides behind Angel   
  
Snyder- Ms. Calendar? Aren't you supposed to be dead?   
  
Jenny- Well.. um.. yes… but you see-   
  
Snyder- In that case, all of you are trespassing, everyone out!   
  
Willow looks up   
  
Willow- You think that conjuring Snyder is gonna make me leave smoochieless?   
Think again.   
  
Willow smiles defiantly and sticks out her tongue   
  
[Then you're not leaving?]   
  
Willow- nope   
  
[**sigh**]   
  
[Willow, I'm sorry, but you asked for it…]   
  
Willow- Asked for what…?   
  
Snyder- WILLOW DARLING!   
  
Snyder leaps for her   
  
Snyder- I know it's against school rules and I'm about 30 years older than   
you, and that I'm a very unattractive, mean, trollish, little man, but   
suddenly… I think I love you!   
  
Willow screams at the top of her lungs and runs out of the room   
  
Snyder follows close behind   
  
Xander- Well, that was way Harsh   
  
[I know, and I'll fix it… later. Everyone out.]   
  
Cordy- I don't think so. You can't just kick us out of our own school. That's   
just so rude. YOU are OUR guest!   
  
Cordy sits down   
  
[Cordelia, so help me God, one more word and I'll resurrect the Inca Mummy   
Girl to give you a new facelift]   
  
Cordy- ok… We're outtie   
  
She grabs Xander's arm and leads him outside   
  
[Finally]   
  
Angel Yawns   
  
Angel- I'm sleepy   
  
Jenny- Yeah… Can we do this tomorrow? I'm not used to being alive and all.   
It's tiring.   
  
Jenny stretches   
  
[Absolutely not. If I say yes, then we all know I'm never going to finish   
this.]   
  
Angel- oh alright   
  
[**yawns and falls asleep on her keyboard**]   
  
[hklsdfghjagj]   
  
Jenny- Well that was rude   
  
Angel- very…   
  
Angel looks at Jenny   
  
Angel- Wanna go get some breakfast from Denny's?   
  
Jenny smiles   
  
Jenny- sure   
  
Angel and Jenny walk out of the scene   
  
[**drools all over her keyboard**]   
  
OK… Hope you enjoyed it. I stayed up for 2 and a half hours typing it. It's   
now 2:05 a.m. HEH… see ya… ::falls asleep::   



End file.
